crash

a friend and i talked about soul mates recently. now personally i put no stock in the idea, but my friend seemed to firmly believe that everyone has and finds their soul mate. its a charming concept to entertain, the idea of every person having someone they are truly meant to love and be with for all their life. many people are lucky enough to find a person to spend their whole life with. i don't mean to complain or weep, but i feel my choice of lifestyle will constantly get in the way of my romantic dreams. i'm fine with this, because i am young and i know that life can change at a moments notice. but it would be false to deny my desire for companionship.

how would you feel if you truly found that "someone" and let them slip away? this friend admitted that they feared their soul mate had come and gone in their life. a disturbing thought. to have that gut feeling that the person you are meant to be with, isn't with you. or worse, they are with someone else. the only thing that can make this situation even more painful, is the yearning for some sort of friendship with this person. when this lost soul mate continues to keep in touch, to check in on you from time to time. that must be truly hard. this is my friends predicament.

love is a fascinating occurrence. there are almost 7 billion human beings on the planet, whether you are straight or gay, male or female, you will find love at some point. but out of 7 billion people, most humans will only love a few fellow beings with everything they have. even more baffling is the inability of people to keep everything in perspective. again, 7 BILLION people. you are one person. you will probably meet close to 10,000 people in your life. your odds of finding love are better than winning the lottery. yet, every heart breaking moment feels like the end of the world. every argument feels like a knife in your side. if you claim to have felt love, and you haven't experienced these moments, then you are not truly in love.

several years ago, i described the human heart as a snowball. when you first discover love, the "snowball" is clean and white and perfectly round. if you're lucky you will never experience heart break and your snowball will remain perfect until that summer in the sky takes you home. but most of us will have our hearts broken (or already have) and that snowball is dropped in the mud. you pick it back up, mold it back together, pick the stones out, and try to make it as whole and round again as you can. but it will never be the same snowball. there will be muddy spots in it, with small pebbles in it, and maybe a twig or two sticking out. you have to find that person that will take your muddy, lopsided snowball, love it as you do, and help you clean it up. and hopefully you will do the same with theirs.

readers note: these are the thoughts of a bored young man in an empty apartment for hours on end. they are not meant to be taken personally or seriously. take care of eachothers snowballs