sheets

why are people afraid of change? change in themselves, change in lifestyle, change in anything really. obviously i'm not talking about changing your bread from white to wheat, or switching from white socks to black socks. i mean changing how you perceive things in life, or changing your ideologies. change isn't always a bad thing, but it is inevitable. whether its change for the better or for the worse is entirely up to you and God, if you believe in that sort of thing.

i personally have become fond of the free will/prime mover theory. that being, a higher power exists and was the start of life in the universe, but does not hold dominion over our life choices or the consequences that follow. there is no silver bearded man pulling strings and shouting orders to his winged servants. i do believe there is an afterlife, but i couldn't tell you what it is, what its like, or how you get there.

everyone changes. some grow and mature and become better human beings. others may lose sight of who they once were, and the change becomes something volatile, something unhealthy. i fear these changes, but i do not fight them. each day we grow, making mistakes and learning from them. i feel like its only when we fight change, that we are bound to the destructive capacity it carries with it. and i have seen the change. in myself, in my friends, and in the world. but the fear remains. 40% of the country lives in or near the city/town they grew up in. 40% of the most powerful and spoiled country in the world is scared to leave their hometown. i fear i may offend most of my readers since most are my friends and live within an hour of home, but moving to memphis has really put into perspective how small owosso really is.

in owosso, i was a different person. a majority of the change in me has been introversion. i was a very outgoing and charismatic person in owosso. why? because i knew everyone, and everyone knew me. or at the very least, i knew someone that a new acquaintance knew, and so we had a common ground. in memphis? i know absolutely no one. i am connected to absolutely no one. i have common ground with no one. my life is consumed by work, and to be honest, i'm no longer bothered by that. i've become comfortable with my pathetic, introverted lifestyle. that is something i never thought would happen. 

don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem talking to strangers. generally, people here in the south are friendlier than any stranger i ever encountered in michigan. but i rarely initiate conversation. and perhaps thats the northerner in me. we peddle about our lives clinging to the people and life we're comfortable with, so why would we talk to strangers? because our parents told us not to? be serious. most strangers have no intention of throwing you in a van and taking you to an abandon warehouse to mug and rape you. most strangers are going about their daily lives just like you, and are simply trying to keep things light by talking to you in the supermarket, or at the gas station buying cigarettes.

my perception on the world is almost reversed from what it once was. there was a time that i had hope for humanity, that i felt our intelligence and technology was a gift that would help us grow as a species. i am now apathetic towards intelligence and technology (as i blog from my laptop >.<) seeing that it is more a burden than ever. but i have more hope for human compassion than i once did. not amongst people like charlie sheen or lindsay lohan. perhaps it has something to do with someone i've met since starting my adult life. someone who puts the well being of others before their own. that is something i truly admire, and i hope is never lost.

an HBO adaptation of the play "the sunset limited" by Cormac McCarthy recently debuted, and i think anyone that has any interest in philosophical debate should watch that film to get them thinking. in it, a suicidal professor who has come to the realization that everything he held dear (music, art, culture, knowledge) has become frail and corrupt. opposite him is an ex-con uneducated janitor (played by tommy lee jones and samuel l jackson respectively) who is a firm and devout evangelist. the back and forth discussion takes place entirely in black's grimy apartment, which white is very noticeable uncomfortable in. i felt this to be a believable depiction of the differences between economic and religious ways of life.

now i don't see intelligence as something thats ruining the world (although i could argue that humanity's unending quest for knowledge has turned many people into complete and utter assholes), but rather that as we become more evolved and powerful, all we want is more power. 

change is unavoidable, because mistakes are unavoidable. i'm not defined by my mistakes, i define what my mistakes are.